The Morales Family Blog

They say like mother like daughter. Well I may not be much like my Mom but I’m definitely like some other members of my family. I don’t say this lightly because those of us who do have issues aren’t necessarily proud of them but we do admit them and we’re dealing with them. Ginny is no exception, at least now. Maybe once upon a time she denied it or wasn’t getting the help she needed but now, she’s been going to the mental health facility where I go, having therapy and meeting with the psychiatrist there, so her general primary care provider isn’t messing with her mental health anymore. I think that’s a good thing. If you need an occasional nerve pill or whatever that’s different, but when you really do have some issues you need a professional, as I do and as she does. Anyway, so she’s getting the help she needs and I’m glad. I don’t know if I said about a month or two ago I guess it was, she was diagnosed with bipolar. I’m not bipolar so I don’t understand what it’s like to be in the manic faze of that but I do understand the depressive part so I understand at least some of what happened.

OK, so then what happened? I wrote about how Kitty/Jessie came up missing in my last post a few days ago. well, Ginny got home Monday night and she took it hard just like we knew she would, but I don’t think we had any idea exactly how hard she would take it. I called over to my grandmother’s mostly to see if Ginny did make it home and to see if they’d found Kitty. I wrote about that and Ginny was the one who answered the phone. I could tell she was a mess but what I didn’t know but should have was how frantic she really was.

My grandmother called yesterday afternoon and told me Ginny just totally flipped out. When she got home, she was all happy, talking about how she’d had such a great time. She’d been driving all day but she didn’t seem tired or anything…just totally at ease with everything and happy and refreshed from being able to get away from home for a while. She did ask where Kitty was. When she got home she let Smoky down and saw Darby but of course didn’t see Kitty so she wanted to know where she was and my grandmother said she was upstairs, because that really was where she thought she was. She thought she was probably dead somewhere but she did think she was upstairs. well, when Ginny was away and when she came home Kitty would usually run downstairs to greet her just like Darby did, but I guess at first she didn’t think much of it. She got a drink and went outside on the porch with my grandmother, talking about all the things they’d done while she was gone. she got to go horseback riding with my cousin Matthew, vanessa’s son, and they just had a great time, so she was telling my grandmother all about that.

Well, she came in the house and still no Kitty, so finally my grandmother had to tell her what happened, or at least what she thought had happened. Ginny just totally snapped. She wanted to know why we hadn’t told her, that maybe she’d been sick and Ginny could have come home. We didn’t know where she was though and if she had died, no one could find her, plus my grandmother told her she didn’t want to tell her because she wanted Ginny to have a good time and didn’t want to have to worry about her crying and flipping out driving down the road. It’s a 12-hour drive between here and there and as upset as Ginny turned out to be, she probably would have crashed not even halfway home. My grandmother knew that so didn’t want to tell her while she was still down there.

Ginny was just totally gone. She was crying, wondering where Kitty was, wondering what we all did with her, and she finally said two cats missing in one day was just too weird. They had a cat outside that Ginny was taking care of who was about to have kittens. She never came inside but she was a good outside cat and we all liked her I think. Well, we discovered that she wasn’t around when she didn’t come for her breakfast on the same day we figured out that Kitty was gone, so Ginny said two cats missing on the same day was just too weird and she just knew Laura, my uncle Buddy’s wife, had done something to them. She kept saying she was going to kill her, she was going to kill Buddy, they did something to her cats, and she was just a mess.

She looked under her bed, upstairs, all over the house. Finally she went into the dining room. They have this heavy, old sofa bed, and I do mean it’s heavy. Any normal person would never even think about picking it up on their own. Sliding it yes, if they even had to do that alone, but picking it up, never. Well, Ginny did. She grabbed hold of that thing and just threw it on its side. My grandmother said she’d gone to the bathroom and when she got back, Ginny was just laying on the floor, crying and crying and crying. She couldn’t find Kitty. Where was Kitty. Oh God, it makes me want to cry just writing about it. I hated that cat just because she was disgusting, not using the box and whatever, but I would have never hurt her and I know how I feel about my own cats. I would never do something to someone else’s.

My grandmother said she was so upset, she got a drink and was crying so much she made herself sick. eventually she had to go to the ER, so she called my grandmother from there and told her she’d have to stay a little while because she was alone and what they gave her they wouldn’t let her drive right away. I guess she came home Tuesday morning. she had appointments Tuesday, wednesday, Thursday and I think she had one today. I don’t know how many of them she actually made it to.

She ended up cleaning the house and my grandmother told her not to worry about it because Dolly and Maryann were coming in last night, and maybe Nickel and my Mom too although I’m not sure about that now, and Dolly and Maryann always cleaned after Ginny anyway, no matter how hard she tried to make sure the place was clean, so my grandmother told her not to worry about it. As upset as she was, why worry about something right now that was never going to please them anyway? Well she did, and I think at least part of it was that while she was going through all that, she was hoping she’d find Kitty. She cleaned the kitchen, both bathrooms, upstairs and everywhere…and no Kitty. I don’t understand where that cat could be. She never got out. She never did anyway. She never got anywhere near the door and never would…not after my grandmother swatted her with the broom a good while back. She’s never been anywhere near the door ever since, but then where is she? NO one can find her. I don’t get it.

Well I guess she either had an appointment with her therapist or the psychiatrist yesterday, or they do emergency appointments there too if need be so maybe she did that, and she came home and was taking a shower. Naturally my grandmother wanted to know what was going on. Maybe take a shower before an appointment like that but why when you’re home? Well, she said she had to get a bag together. They’d court-ordered her to check herself into the psych ward here at the hospital in town. They told her if she checked herself in within the next two hours she could leave in four days if she really wanted to, but if she didn’t, they’d send a deputy to pick her up and if they had to do that, she wouldn’t leave until they felt she was ready. She decided to check herself in. Good choice! Been there done that and while I’ve never been to this particular hospital, being checked in by a county sheriff doesn’t feel good. Ask me how I know!

I hope if they feel like she should stay past the four days, I hope she does. Since she checked herself in, she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to but if they don’t feel she’s ready to handle the world again, I hope she’s got enough sense to stay in there until she’s stable enough. I’m not bipolar but I do know what it’s like to be in that position. I do know what it’s like to be happy-go-lucky, fine and dandy, then something happens and your world just feels like it just collapsed. I know how that feels and I believe right now, she’s in the best place she can be to get the help she needs. I’m just glad she realized that and didn’t fight it. My grandmother said she told them that they felt she was either suicidal or homicidal but they thought suicidal. I said probably both! If I know Ginny that wouldn’t surprise me!

Anyway, so Maryann and Dolly were supposed to come in last night. Crystal, Kristina’s baby, is sick with what they think might be the flu so Nickel said if Kristina couldn’t come she wouldn’t either. Why the heck not? She’s a mother for Christ’s sake! If she can’t take care of her own child by now she doesn’t deserve one. I’m sorry…but actually maybe I’m not…but it just really fires me up when anyone can have a baby and not take care of them. Kristina doesn’t take care of that baby anyway. Nickel does and that just makes me so mad I could probably slap her. People who could care for their kids but don’t don’t deserve them.

Anyway, so Mom was supposed to come with Nickel and they were all supposed to come last night. When I talked to my grandmother I asked her several times just to make sure she didn’t want me to come down until at least Dolly and Maryann got there but she said she’d be OK. If they leave and Ginny’s still in the hospital I guess I’ll be staying down there again. I really don’t mind. That’s why we’re here. If she needs me I’m there and that’s just the way it is. I moved here to be there for her. I know Lino and I argued a lot about that last week. well, he can keep his lazy butt here if that’s how he feels about it but if she needs me I’m there. That’s just the way it’s going to be.

I don’t remember what I wrote about last or how long ago it’s been but for the past 10 days or so up until yesterday we were at my grandmother’s every night except for Wednesday when we had a doctor’s appointment. Ginny went to Alabama to visit my aunt Vanessa and my grandmother doesn’t like spending nights alone so we spent the nights with her and it was nice. Lino cocked an attitude about it a lot, saying he wished he could do more for her but since we couldn’t why go? It didn’t matter that she didn’t expect us to do anything. She just wanted us to be there with her. That wasn’t good enough for him and I got really mad at him a few days ago. I reminded him that it was because of her that we moved down here in the first place so whatever she needed was what I was going to do, even if that meant just staying the night with her when she wanted me to. So we got into it a few times over that.

Friday night she scared me half to death. I didn’t know this, but she has a medication to help with her stomach because when she gets upset she gets sick, besides the fact that some of her medication makes her that way anyway. Well when she takes this medication she gets dehydrated if she doesn’t drink enough. I didn’t know about the medication or even if I had, I didn’t know she’d taken it, so apparently she hadn’t been drinking enough and she was really week Friday night. She said she was dizzy, she couldn’t even walk without her walker, and she had me getting drinks for her through the evening, plus her insulin later that night. Then she went through one of her morbid spells that have me in tears every time she does it, talking about when she dies, how she wants to die, what she thinks or hopes it’ll be like and what she wants everyone to do when it happens. It’s not so bad to think about those kinds of things at her age but she’s done it for years and when she talks about it, she really talks about it, going on and on and on and on until I start thinking she’s going to die now or something. I hate when she does that, so I finally told her if she felt that bad to go lay down. Well she did thank God! I don’t think I could have handled her going on about it much longer without losing it in front of her and that would have upset her even more.

We helped her do some trash cleaning that night before she laid down and I guess that shut Lino up for a while because we were actually doing something for her, never mind that we did some light cleaning a few days we were there anyway. I guess he expected to move the house from where it was to the beach or something. I don’t know.

At some point that night or early Saturday morning, one of the cats disappeared. I know we saw her Friday night and my grandmother said she saw her Saturday morning. They have three cats but when Ginny goes anywhere she takes Smoky with her. This is an old, very overweight cat who has major separation anxiety or something. Ginny’s killing that poor cat. She’s already up there in age but cats can live a long time and that cat isn’t going to live as long as she otherwise might as fat as she is. Anyway, so Smoky went with her to Vanessa’s and they still had Darby, who was with ginny before she moved in with my grandmother. Then, before Ginny moved in my grandmother had a cat she called Jessie but Ginny calls Kitty so whatever her name is doesn’t matter, but she’s the one who came up missing. Everyone hated that cat. She did fine with the litter box until the other two cats moved in. Then she wouldn’t use the box, started pissing on the floor and dumping right in front of the box instead of in the box. Ginny refused to get rid of the cat but by God I would have! I love my cats but the first time I think they’re getting into the habit of going wherever they please instead of the box, they’re gone. There’s just no excuse for that. Jessie/Kitty was a good cat for just one cat in the house but as soon as the other two moved in all that changed. Everyone tried to get Ginny to give her away but she refused. She got to where she pretty much considered Kitty her cat. well, she disappeared probably early Saturday morning I guess, and my grandmother knew Ginny was going to be a basket case when she came home if we didn’t find her. She wouldn’t go anywhere near the door after my grandmother swatted her with a broom a while back, so the likelihood that she got out was slim. My grandmother was thinking maybe she died somewhere. We wer all looking for her and couldn’t find her. My grandmother even opened the door to try to call her, just in case that did happen, and as soon as she said, “Kitty kitty!”, out zoomed Darby. Oh my grandmother was a wreck! Kitty was gone and now Darby was out. I grabbed the treats, which Darby always came for, and thankfully she responded to those this time too and came back in. Well, I called my grandmother last night, which was when Ginny was supposed to come home. I wasn’t sure if she was home or not so of course if my grandmother answered, I was going to ask her. Well, Ginny answered and she was in tears. She said, “I can’t find Kitty! Where is she?” I told her we didn’t know and we hadn’t seen her since Friday night. She asked what we did with her and I said nothing. I knew she was going to react that way. I told Lino if she even remotely thought we had anything to do with whatever happened to that cat, I was scared the next time she came over she’d try to let Sweet Pea or Pumpkin out. I’ll go psycho on her, I swear to God, if she does anything to my cats. I’m protective of them just like she is hers and I know we didn’t do anything with that cat. As much as I thought they should get rid of her, what was I going to do to her? Anyway, so there’s that and I still don’t know if they found her, but if they did I’m afraid my grandmother might be right and maybe she did die.

I think I wrote about the possibility of moving. Well, it’s looking like it will happen and soon. we went to the meeting regarding the Section 8, got our voucher and turned in our 30-day notice. Our church is helping with the deposit. When I told my grandmother about it before we even knew the church was going to help, just in conversation I mentioned how much we were going to need and she said she wanted to give it to us. I knew she didn’t have it, or at least not really. Maybe she had it in her savings but this month alone, Ginny’s car insurance and my grandmother’s insurance on the house had to come out of that so I knew she didn’t have it. Well, as I’ve probably said before, Dolly is pretty much in charge of her finances, so when she found out my grandmother wanted to give me that much money she pretty much said it couldn’t happen. Well this happened last week, and that was when we were staying over there and that was what had her so upset initially, that she’d said she wanted to give us this money and had to go back on her word. Well I reminded her that I never asked her for that money and it was no big deal. She couldn’t do it so she couldn’t do it and that was all there was to it, but she still felt bad because she doesn’t like telling people she’s going to do something then not doing it. Well neither do I but she really couldn’t do it so never should have said she would, but like Dolly says, my grandmother and Ginny are similar in that they spend now and worry about it later. That’s why she’s not in charge of her finances and Dolly is. None of her bills would ever get paid if it were up to her. Anyway, so Dolly told me, pretty much just to appease my grandmother if she really did want to give me something, if I could get it down to where we only needed $300 or less, my grandmother could do that. Well then the church pitched in to help so I was able to get it down to where we were short $350, and Dolly said that looked more like something she could do. Initially, we’d needed at least $650 and I knew my grandmother couldn’t do that but she was determined that she could. Anyway, so Maryann, Dolly, Nickel and my Mom are coming this weekend and we’ll probably get that all sorted out then.

So the deal with the house is that the new landlord, Steve, said he’d take $200 for the deposit and tack on $25 a month until the rest of it was paid, and the deposit was $400, and of course we have to pay the first month’s rent in full until Section 8 kicks in and that’s $425. That’s why we needed at least $625 or $650 to get in there initially, but with what the church is paying plus what my grandmother can give, the deposit will be paid in full and we’ll be good to go. Now we’re just waiting for a few people from the church who said they could get us boxes. I hate cramming. I’ve had to do that during moves before, having to dump stuff in boxes wherever they landed because I didn’t have time to do it properly and I don’t want to have to do that again, but we’ve got to be out of here within the first few days of October so time’s tickin’.

I’m probably forgetting a few things here and there but it’s been mostly more of the same around here.

We just got back from a summer party hosted by our local Lions’ Club. They have a Thanksgiving dinner, christmas party and a summer party. They held it at the Y at a pavillion they have there. It was nice. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, baked beans and ice cream and of course it was all good. The hamburgers and hot dogs were grilled. I like mine a little crispier…the dogs that is…but it was still good. They had several games of bingo and I played but didn’t win any. I came close three or four times but close doesn’t count! They had door prizes for the winners but of course since I didn’t win I didn’t get any. They gave all the visually impaired attendees coins of some sort but never told us what type of coins they were so I have no idea. Oh yeah, I guess I should have said the Lions’ Club puts on this party specifically for the visually impaired residents. anyway, so I didn’t win anything but it was still fun. The dogs behaved themselves for the most part. Mercy got a little stupid at first like she usually does. I had the prong collar on her but I had the leash hooked up to her regular collar. Um…duh! I don’t know where my mind was but I kept correcting her and wondering why she wasn’t responding until I figured it out. Stupid! I guess my dog isn’t the only one going loopy sometimes. So once I fixed that she straightened up quick but I knew she would. She tried to pick something up off the floor on the way out the door and I corrected her for that too but I don’t know if she actually got it or not.

Pumpkin got out again the other day. I didn’t even get upset about it this time. I mean I did but not like I was about to have a heart attack like I did last time. She had free run of the yard for a while then came back. I don’t want her getting in the habit of doing that because I do want to declaw her at some point but I don’t know. There’s not much you can do to stop a cat on crack! Seriously though, sometimes that’s what she seems like! But she did come back in so I guess I should just be glad for that.

We still have a rabbit but I think it’s a male and not a female like we originally thought. He/she messes in a way I don’t think females can! So anyway, we’re trying to find another home for him because if we end up moving we can’t keep him. It’s kind of a bummer but if I can keep my other babies I’ll shut up and not worry about it. The rabbit’s getting big though so he was definitely a baby when we got him. The water bottle that came with his cage broke and we had to walk to the store to get another one yesterday. The plastic top part that holds the lid on and keeps it together broke. I put it back in but it was a precarious hold and when Lino went to give him water yesterday it popped off and was hopeless. He got it back on but I guess when the poor thing got a drink it came off and shot water everywhere. That must have shocked the poor thing! Well if we do find a home for him we wouldn’t want someone to have to buy another water bottle, but besides that we needed one for him now so we didn’t have much of a choice.

We’ve got some more possibilities for getting help with the deposit if we do end up moving, besides the woman on a list I’m on. It looks like this really might end up happening. My grandmother said she’s almost afraid to ask my aunt Maryann because if she says no it’ll make my grandmother mad. she said she never asks them for anything so if she does and they say no she’ll get mad. I don’t know but I hope she does soon. we can’t expect this guy to hold the house indefinitely and we really can’t find a better location, living so close to her but yet having a few more places we can walk to. we won’t get much better than that.

I have an appointment with the NP psychiatrist this afternoon and I think I’m going to be a guinea pig again. things just aren’t working as they should. Other than that, I’m still here, although barely sometimes I think, but all things considered, it could be worse.

This is going to be kind of a therapy writing session so if you don’t want to read some pretty deep feelings don’t read this. I’ll start off by saying right now that I know Lino reads this but I don’t really care. I have to write about this, talk about it or something. I feel so alone right now and I don’t know how much more I can stand it.

Here lately, Lino has been so hateful and I don’t know why. He says he hasn’t been. He says nothing’s wrong, but he says and does things that really hurt and it’s several or more times a day. He’s got a cynical, sarcastic, condescending tone to almost everything he says. He talks so negatively it’s bringing me down. I have my own issues with depression. Having to put up with him acting like this too is too much for me. I don’t know what his problem is but it really hurts when he talks to me like that. He’s even resorted to name-calling and I can’t deal with that. I grew up with my stepfather calling me names, putting me down, and I swore I’d never have a husband that would treat me like my stepfather did. Now what? Now that I do have one who’s starting to act like that I’m starting to feel like a caged animal needing a way out.

Just today I was going to go to church with him this evening. Neither one of us went this morning so we were going to go tonight. I put on my church clothes and was sitting on the couch reading the Bible. Lino had talked to Bill and Connie earlier in the afternoon. I don’t know what all was said, but while we were sitting there the phone rang again. It was them so I told Lino to answer the phone. He told me to and he already had the phone in his hand so I’m like, “What’s the deal? You’re holding it now so answer the damned thing!” Well, he started calling me names as he answered the phone and I swatted at him. I told him to quit calling me names and he hit me in the face. I couldn’t believe it. He’s never hit me before. I wasn’t calling anyone names. I wasn’t yelling. I didn’t do anything to provoke that. He just started calling me names then hit me when I swatted at him. I think I swatted his shoulder but didn’t mean anything by it. He was on the phone by then so it was sort of a “Quit talking to me like that,” sort of thing. Then he hit me in the face and I was stunned. He’s never hit me before and I swore if any man ever hit me again (after my stepfather), he’d better make it a good one because he’d never hit me again. Well…now what?

It’s almost 6:30 and Lino’s left about an hour ago. I’ve spent most of that time and even before he left laying on the bed crying, wondering what I was going to do, wondering why he’s been so hateful, wondering what’s going on and why he won’t talk to me, keeping it in like this instead of telling me what’s wrong when I ask him. This just hurts so much I don’t know what to think or do. I never meant anything by what I did and I thought he knew that. I’ve been doing things like that for years and it’s never been to hurt him and he knows that, or at least I thought he did, but there’s no excuse for name-calling like that. There’s no excuse for cussing each other like he has been doing to me lately. I don’t know what’s going on but it’s got to stop or I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m struggling with my own feelings. I’m struggling with my own issues, then he’s putting all this on top of it too and I don’t know how to deal with it…especially when he hit me in the face.

Well, I guess there’s not much else to say other than rambling on about what I’ve already said and there’s no point in that. I’d hoped by writing about this it would help and I wouldn’t feel so bad about it anymore but that hasn’t worked. I guess it just brings up a lot of bad memories that don’t just go away by writing.

I finally bit the bullet and got on Twitter, so if anyone wants to join me there, I don’t plan to use it a lot but I’ll probably write in there sometimes when there’s not a whole lot to say, not worth writing a blog post about it. I’m luvlabguidedogs there.

I know it’s stressful for both of us with the possibility of moving into a new house, getting excited about it, then my Dad bailing out and not helping like he said he would, thinking we’re not getting it after all and all that but that’s no excuse for lashing out like that. I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic about the whole thing but Lino’s so negative and nasty about it that I want to knock his teeth out sometimes. OK, that doesn’t sound very nice either but i’m not writing this to be nice. I’m writing this to get out how I feel and that’s how I feel right now.

Just yesterday someone emailed me. She’s on a few lists I’m on. She said she had a little extra money from somewhere and wanted to send it to us to help towards the deposit. When things like this happen it really makes me think God is in this. He may not have it in store that we get this exact house but when things like that happen it’s a God thing. I didn’t ask for money, God forbid! I just asked for prayers, and He’s answering them. I believe that. It may be a slow process so we may not get this particular house but I believe God does that sometimes to get us to trust him more and not get all excited that things are going to happen right away. I believe that, but I guess Lino doesn’t believe in God things anymore. It seems like that anyway.

Well, that’s enough for now I guess. If you’re the praying type pray about all this please.

Well, maybe, but not as serious a move as what we’ve gone through in the past. We’re just looking at a better location and maybe something closer to my grandmother. Well, we’ve found a few options, but one is more promising than the other. It’s a one-bedroom house but the rooms are big, the kitchen is big, there’s a back entryway with the laundry hookups, a pantry and a nice-sized porch out front. I miss having a porch. Best of all, it’s only two streets from my grandmother’s and puts us close enough to be able to walk to a dollar store and a sub shop, plus the grocery store we always walked to anyway. That would probably be about the same distance there as it is here, but we can’t walk to the dollar store or anything else from here and from there we can.

The disappointing part is that early this week I talked to my Dad and Debbie, my stepmother. Actually I think it was Saturday or Sunday of last week, but anyway, I told them about some things that had been going on around here that I don’t think I’ve written about but I will shortly and they agreed that the best thing would probably be to try to find a better place, better location notwithstanding. I’d said something about having to hit them up for some money for the deposit and I don’t think they took me seriously. They said they would but when we actually found a house and I asked them for it, they had me waiting almost all week before Debbie finally called me last night and said they couldn’t do it. OK, fine, but why make me wait all week and why does Debbie always have to be the one who calls? My Dad has never ever ever ever ever called me except for maybe once, if that. It’s always Debbie. Why? Coward! OK, so I don’t have a very good relationship with my Dad and never really have but just when I think we’re trying to make amends something happens. OK, whatever. So we’re not getting the deposit money from him like he said we would. I’ve already asked my grandmother before we knew we weren’t getting any money from him to ask Maryann and/or Dolly for help too, and she said she would, plus she’ll probably tack on some money of her own. she’s just that way, and I know she wants us to be in a better location and closer to her is a plus. So we’ll see about that. I’m absolutely touched though because I got an email this afternoon from someone we only know on lists who wants to help out a bit and I’m just about in tears over that. God is so good. I never even thought about asking anyone on list…who would? Prayers that things work out, yes, but outright asking for donations? Good Lord no!

OK, so catching everyone up on what’s been going on here. Bob, our landlord, didn’t want to accept the companion animal letter from the NP psychiatrist I’ve been seeing so he put up a fuss about that. Then we’ve gotten roaches from somewhere and I’m totally disgusted with that! Of course anyone who knows anything about roaches knows they can come from anywhere. You can get them from boxes/bags from a grocery store, or we go to the food bank and they give us boxes of canned goods and what-not there, so they could have come from there, or we do live in a duplex so they could have originated with our neighbor, but of course she’s denying that outright and blaming us for it. she also says she’s got fleas and blaming our animals for that. We spend $40 a month on flea preventive for these guys to make sure they don’t have fleas. I don’t know what her deal is but someone came over to help us with a few things this afternoon and she actually intercepted her and asked her if we had bugs! The nerve! So she’s been in cahoots with our landlord who’s saying it’s our responsibility to pay for an exterminator. excuse me? Everywhere I’ve ever lived, the landlord had the place exterminated every few months to prevent cases such as this and we’ve lived here for over a year now and he never has. Now he says we’re responsible? I don’t think so! And even if we paid to exterminate our half of the duplex I’ll be damned if I’m going to exterminate her half too, and if she doesn’t exterminate when we do we’ll all just be reinfested again. That’s his job as a landlord, not ours. I mean isn’t that the whole purpose of renting to begin with…so you don’t have to be responsible for the upkeep of the place?

Then when he was over here I guess it was last week, he said something about doing us a favor to allow us to have the dogs here. What? are you crazy? He had no choice but to let the dogs stay here! He’s a lawyer for pity’s sake! I think he needs to leave his day job at his office and be a more reasonable human being to his tenants! Then again, his being a lawyer is probably why he’s acting like he does anyway. He said we should have Margaret, our neighbor who lives in the other half of the duplex and is causing all this trouble anyway, to come over and help us clean our kitchen, that she offered to do it for no charge. I think not! And we’ve had people over here anyway who’ve said our kitchen looks neater than theirs does sometimes! We’re not helpless and we’re not slobs, and I take it personally when someone implies that we are! So then he says it would cost $1,000 to get new carpeting in here and he didn’t want any urine…urine? What the heck?!…or dog hair in the carpet. Oh come on! we could vacuum three or four times a day and as soon as we put the vacuum away there’s going to be more hair. I’m sorry but that’s just the way it is with Labs. Anyway, so this whole thing just gives me a headache. We’ve tried to talk to him and he’s just all gung-ho about how everything that’s going on here is all our fault and he’s not budging an inch on that. He did bring over some roach baits the other day and gave some to Margaret too, but that’s not going to get rid of any eggs or anything. And you can’t prove where those blasted things came from! For all he knows they came from her, not us!

Anyway, so I’m getting mad all over again just thinking about this, so that’s enough of that. We went to a revival at my grandmother’s neighbor’s church several days this week. Ginny goes there and she likes it. She took us to the revival. She had a hearing this week too for her disability and she wasn’t denied, but she didn’t get it yet either. Apparently all the medical records they needed weren’t in yet so another hearing is going to be scheduled for another month or two away to hopefully have all the paperwork by then. More bureaucratic bull. So Ginny’s been all stressed out about that and rightfully so I guess. I know if I didn’t have any money coming in and all this was riding on that I’d be stressed too.

I guess that’s been about it. It’s been more of the same around here other than that.

Whew! I had another appointment with the NP last week and she changed my medication again. I’m on Ritalin now on top of everything else she’s got me on. Ritalin? What the heck! Well, when I went to get it filled last week they said I’d have to pay out of pocket for it so I said I couldn’t take it. Then I called and left a message for Linda saying if that’s what she wanted me on she’d have to prescribe something else instead. Well, when we went back Monday I think it was to pick up another one they said July’s Medicaid wouldn’t pay for it but they could run it under August now and August Medicaid would pay for it. What the heck? Well, OK, if they say so! So that’s what they did and we got it this morning. I don’t know. I was kind of shocked that she’d want me on Ritalin but even after just taking the first one this morning I think it might work. There might be hope for me yet! Maybe! Big fat MAYBE!

My aunt Nickel’s husband Chuck died I think it was Saturday morning. I can’t remember when Ginny called and said he died but I think that’s what it was. He was an old, drunk, crusty old man who verbally abused his kids and my aunt. He drank heavily and smoked just as heavily. He’d been pretty sick lately but refused to go to docturs and when he’d fall or pass out he’d refuse to go to the hospital so he refused any help they might have given him. The past few weeks he’d been falling a lot and when Nickel or Kristina would try to help him he’d cuss them out, so they’d just leave him there. Friday night I guess it was, assuming Saturday was when Ginny called, but anyway, the night before he died he’d fallen and Nickel tried to help him up again. Again, he cussed her out so she just left him. She came down about 5:30 the next morning and he was dead in his chair with his blood coming out of his mouth. OOOOOH OOOOOH OOOOH OOOOOH OOOOOOOH! Yuck! I didn’t find out that part until this afternoon. My grandmother spent a few weeks in Pennsylvania visiting her sisters and came home early Tuesday morning, about 1:30. My uncle brought her home. Anyway, I talked to her today She was there for the funeral and she filled me in on the details I didn’t know.

I knew Chuck a little more than I wanted to. At one point about 10 or 11 years ago he tried to get with me. I was totally disgusted. I didn’t know if I should tell Nickel or not but I did. He kept calling my apartment, telling me he’d take care of me, he felt like Nickel lied to him because he didn’t want kids and she told him she couldn’t have any, then she got pregnant. She really did think she couldn’t have any. That’s what the doctors said. I just can’t imagine Nickel living with someone for over 20 years who treated her like that. When he died she was upset and crying and I guess I can understand that. You live with someone and they’re part of your life for that long, I guess I can understand, but as an outsider looking in I’d think she’d be glad she wouldn’t have to be treated like that anymore. She was going to come down this weekend for another yard sale, which actually might mean he died Friday morning because I’m not sure when she was supposed to come but it was supposed to be this weekend anyway.

Well, other than that not much has happened. It’s been hotter than the blazes, we’ve gotten some thunderstorms, it’s been humid as a wet blanket and that’s about the size of it.

Well, I’ve done it again. It’s been too long and I don’t remember what I’ve told about and what I haven’t, but in reality not a whole lot has happened. It’s been a lot of more of the same, except we have a few additions to the family. I think everyone knows about Sweet Pea, our kitten, but not Pumpkin and Buttercup!

Pumpkin is Sweet Pea’s sister. We started out with Sox, a gray male kitten who came from a house not far from my grandmother’s. He slipped out when Lino took the trash out maybe not even 24 hours after we got him. He was such a sweetheart! He loved to follow and was always right on your heels, so that was probably how we lost him. He just followed Lino so religiously that he got out. I felt so upset, so Ginny went over next door and what we thought was three male black kittens turned out to be two males and one female. We took the female and named her Pumpkin. I know that sounds weird for a black cat but we thought black cats and made the association to Halloween so there you go! Ginny said we need to get her an orange collar so we probably will.

The next addition is Buttercup, a rabbit! I guess it was Tuesday we went to wal-Mart and this woman and teenager were selling rabbits for six bucks. I remembered that Lino said he wanted one a while back and I got to hold one. She was the absolute sweetest thing! I wanted her and told Lino I did. He got so mad at me! He said I kept on and on and on and on about it but I was only joking around with him about it and I guess he took me seriously and just about went off the deep end on me. He said we could get the rabbit but he’d get rid of Louie. I said “What the hell! Never mind then!” I didn’t know he’d react that way and come to find out, he’d forgotten he’d ever said he wanted one, and he said if he did he didn’t mean any time soon. Well we had this conversation years ago and I just remembered him wanting one when I saw those. Well, we got that cleared up and I think he loves her as much as I do! She’s just so sweet and furry and fluffy and small and cuddly and…and…and…and… Whew!

I’m certified crazy now. It’s a joke between me and Lino because I really am but whenever I do something stupid I just say I’m certified crazy so there you go. Well now I have papers to prove it. Well I did before but now I do again. No, I haven’t been hospitalized over it like I have in the past but I have a letter to keep the kitties from my psychiatrist. Bob won’t like that but oh well. He can’t argue with it now. Sweet Pea’s my companion animal. He’s going to hate that!

We had our housing authority inspection…did I write about that?…but the things Bob was supposed to fix he hasn’t even come over to fix yet because the housing authority inspector didn’t even write the letter yet! He was supposed to send us a copy and send him a copy but we haven’t gotten ours so it’s my guess Bob hasn’t gotten his either.

My grandmother’s birthday was Friday. I didn’t know my aunt Dolly and my Mom were coming down. I guess they got here Thursday and we went out to dinner on Friday. We went to this Cajun restaurant…don’t ask me how to spell it!…but they sell other things besides Cajun food. I got a shrimp gumbo and I got to thinking while I was eating it. When we moved here the first time, that first year for my birthday my uncle Buddy took us there and I got the same thing! Weird! Almost 9 years later and I do a double on my dinner! Oh well. It was good. We had a family thing though, with just the immediate family, so Laura, Buddy’s wife, didn’t go and stayed home to watch the boys, and Lino didn’t go either. It was just the direct family…my grandmother of course, being her birthday, the sisters, Mom, Dolly and Ginny, then Buddy and me. It was really nice.

We went over last night for dinner and they left early this morning. They took my grandmother with them and Dolly’s taking her to see her sisters in Pennsylvania. I don’t know how long she’s going to be gone. They were supposed to come down for her birthday but one of them is having some health problems so they didn’t come.

I guess that pretty much brings everything up to speed unless I’ve forgotten something. I don’t even know what, when or if Lino writes in here because I don’t read his posts but I know he reads mine, so I don’t know if he’s told about some things I’ve forgotten but that pretty much does it I think.